Finding Myself

Hi there..

      I think you can figure that from reading my past Blogs, I was a single mother raising 3 children. Which was frustrating, upsetting and hard most of the time. I blamed their father a lot and I questioned why my life was on this path. And as the year went by and just going on with life, I got the answers to my questions. They were not the answers I wanted but I got a definite answer.

My life was not as fun or as carefree as I had hoped. But it taught me so much about life and how to live in it. Life was exhausting and frustrating but once I got home and was with my children, it was great. My daughters had dinner going and we would enjoy a movie while we had dinner. That was a good day when we would have food to cook or a movie to rent. Or the times I did not have to go to my second job. I had a lot of anger. So much of the anger drive me to work harder to make it work. I don’t know who I was trying to prove it to but I survived and I made things happen. The struggle of barely making ends meet and trying so hard to pay everything was so unbearable at times, I would cry in the shower or stay up late crying in bed. I did not have one single person to turn to. I almost gave so many times. But looking at my children, I wanted them to become independent, strong, resilient and successful. I pushed myself to wake up every morning knowing it was just me that was going to make this work. Those were the times I wanted to quit. I would cry and just want to give up but my pride would not let me. I had to win. I had to survive.

I look back on those days and wonder about how far I come. I am impressed with that woman that never quit to make sure her children had food to eat and a place to live. Even holding on to two jobs just to get everything paid. That is just crazy to think about. I am very proud of who I have become from not giving up. I never saw myself that way but hearing how everyone talks about me today, it feels amazing to be that person. And to be strong, independent and not quitting in my children’s eyes.

I leaned that I am capable of so many things. I can be whatever I want. And I can do anything. I just have to have that passion, the drive and the determination to do it. My life has been nothing but struggles and I always thought that was normal. I mean thinking nothing gets better and life is always going to be an uphill battle.

I was so wrong. Very wrong in fact. My great grandmother always use to say, “ you cannot be saying that, the wind will take your words.” I never understood that. I just heard her say that and I never paid no kinds to it. But yes positive ways of life “hozho “ Talking about yourself in good ways using kind words. All very important in your growth. It was a very hard habit to break. It can be done. It has to come from you and you just have to want it. Making a plan, being consistent and going through with it.

Learning about myself was very exciting. I did not know who I was or what I wanted. I was always told what to do and when to do it. Once I started listening to myself and thinking about my wants and needs, everything changed around me. I started to feel like I was important and I was worth more than what I was thinking. I started to make better choices and think more about what I wanted in life.

In my survival mode and not giving up on myself, my children and just on living life in general has got me to higher ground. At the time I was thinking it was normal and life is living that way so I tried my hardest to keep going. My hard work mindset and not giving up made my children have so much respect for me. That was probably the most important. My children understood we had to cancel Christmas or skip their birthdays. Which at the times I felt so bad but made up for it in other ways. And I had to make life work for us because I was the only parent.

My blog today is just to tell my story about how a single mother is capable of anything she sets her mind to. You are strong enough to make it through. And comeback from the bottom with force. The resilience is in our blood. Just thinking we can is half the battle. Thinking positive and being optimistic.

Thank you A’héhéé for reading and lots of a Love and Blessings to you :)