Words not Heard

A Sweet Hello...

       Being Ms. Shorty, some days it is amazing and other days I actually have to wake up and face to climb a hill.  I enjoy being a mother the most. Before I had my oldest daughter, I seriously did not have no desire to ever have children. When I was younger, I baby sat my cousins and it was not a good experience. I understand I did not raise them or not my children, but I had my hands full.  So, my thought was I do not ever want to have children. But the funny thing is once I found out I was going to have a baby. I was scared. I was not old enough, I thought. But their dad helped me through that uncertainty, doubt and unclear future. I don't mean he was there always picking up the pieces, he had his own demons he was fighting. I am just saying I accepted having a baby and just that first reaction I saw on his face, when I told him he was going to be a Daddy. It made me feel like he was going to be there for us and make everything all alright. After I had her, just days old those same feelings came back and this time he was next to me and I never saw him so grown up taking care of my hysterical outburst and my baby girl crying. And that was the only time he did that.
     Time after time, life happened and that time in my life was the only time I felt that way and the only time I need that from him. As life went on I learned to pick myself up and stay strong for all 3 of my children.  I just wanted to share that story because I did not want to come off as a wonder woman. I do have doubts and insecurities. And if I didn't have all that to work hard to accomplish to do better or to be a good role model for my children to make them  grow up to be successful independent adults. They are my greatest accomplishments. They make me very proud.
     For years all I did was listen and I became a great listener. I was fair with my feedback. I was honest, but I learned most people don't understand honestly. So, I just didn't say anything to hurt anyone's feelings. Sugar-coated. That is one thing I did not teach my children. I understand we all need filters but it was hard for me not to be me. And I listened and gave my feedback and I enjoyed helping everyone that came to me for a lending ear. I still enjoy helping. I often get misunderstood for looking like I only care about nobody but myself. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I am so kind hearted that I want everyone around me to succeed. I am often accused of being too damn nice. It's a curse and a blessing all in one. I enjoy helping and being nice but most tend to take a little bit of it and run. I am satisfied with helping someone. My great-grandmother was that way. She did have a herd of livestock, no cars, did not own houses or any  other possessions, but yet she was happy. She only wanted her grandchildren and great-grandchildren to be happy. Always giving advice on things not to do. I never knew at the time she was that way until people and family started to say, "you are too nice." "Be selfish." "You never think about yourself." That I started to think that my great grandmother was the same way. I do not know but I am grateful I am the person I am. I love being Ms. Shorty today.
    Thank you for reading and I enjoyed the company, because if you are reading my blog, I am not alone. Thank you and lots of Love and Blessings...