Yáʼátʼééh..
I want to start by saying Thank you.
I have so many stories about my childhood. And learning from my stories was the hard part. As a child I had to do everything right and quick. Getting in trouble was a big part of my life. I was very defiant. Not because I wanted to. Just always had an issue with being told what to do. I learned to be quick at doing things. I grew up wanting everything to be perfect. Working for a perfect relationship, working to make money, dressing perfectly and raising my children perfectly. Trust me is was just as exausting as it sounds and my talking had to make sense and smooth. Even my walk. I did not want to trip or fall. My life was very structured. Being tired always the outcome.
My relationship suffered wanting everything perfect. Doing laundry was not a happy time. My towels are folded a certain way. The house always being clean. And food had to always be cooked to perfection. I put alot of stress on myself to be perfect. I always thought I was doing to some approval. Or gratitude. But it went on for years. My fear was to fail. I did not want to fail. The real reason behind all that madness. Failing in a relationship. Failing in raising my children to a lower standard. The fear was always there pushing me to be the best. I never let myself get to that level. Everything I put myself though was all in my mind. And being that way did not teach me to be better.
I finally got to the realization that everything I put myself though was just learning and getting a better look at who I am. Being so afraid of failing, I was not happy and I did not make my surrounding a happy place. My relationship with the childrens' father was not a failure. He taught me to be independent, choosing family, trusting, and love. And so much more that I am still figuring out. Education was another that always feared, but I have learned so much that last several years. Today, it is not considered failure. I accepted as accomplished learning experiences that helped me grow into a great Mother, an amazing Daughter, a loving Sister and a caring Person.
Having an open mind to learning and accepting difficult times in life is all part of growing as a person. I love who I have become and love my journey. Very happy I can share this story with you. Thank you for reading and all the Support
Lots of Love and Blessings to you....
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