Hi Everyone...
Having so many questions and I kept asking till I got the answer. Being a little timid is one thing that I always have trouble with. I had to really think about this one. What am I afraid of? being a kid it was a monster. Or hearing weird things. Also, the darkness.
But as you realize things, you start to ignore the little things. Creaking sounds, the wind noises or shadows. Watching scary movies and feeling a little jumpy from the movie. The question is still there.. what is fear and why do I have it?
I thought maybe it was fear of maybe trying something new or I also thought, am I or do I have a fear of success? I also thought, do I have a fear of not knowing what’s going to happen? I had to really think about that one hard because I get asked that question a lot and could it be the fear of success, I don’t know if fear is the word but is more of a hunch. Everybody has a different definition to success. Because of my children i am able to say, I succeeded raising them as a single mother and I am very proud of my children and who they have become and so the fear of success is not plausible. The fear of not knowing, keeps coming to my mind because I like to think way ahead and I know that is an issue. I want to know what’s going to happen and most of the time I do plan. How the outcome is going to be and I want to know how my business ventures out or if my company is going to succeed. If my products are going to sell or if I am going to be successful in writing the book and getting it published or am I going to have a audience when I tell my story in front of people in an auditorium and those are the things I think about. But I know there’s no way of knowing any of that so all that I mentioned is just what I think about and troubles my mind. As of now, the things will happen as they come. My plan will be in order. If they don’t like it or If I add a different product. And when I write my book, if it’s not a bestseller or if someone buys my book and it change their lives. Also another thought is as a speaker. Will people listen or will the word go out to having an audience to listen to me speak. And actually hear my story or my ventures or if it will resonate with somebody and if somebody in the audience could relate to my story. I just had so many questions.
The anxiety of not knowing or just that feeling disrupted the relationships between my siblings, parents and partners. The questions remained and nobody to answer them. I had to get answers. But it took years before I got the answers I needed. Mental Health was not a popular topic. So, I did not think that. I was just thinking that I had a scared feeling.
Being afraid of not succeeding, not knowing, failing, or trying new things. Just afraid or the feeling of anxiousness in general. Sitting there thinking, having anxiety, stressing, staying up throughout the night thinking about all this and it is not fear and it is what we conjure up in our minds or it is not something that you could touch or it is not something that is real. It is just made up and we just have to learn to deal with a lot of things that we fear and most of the time we have to dig deep to see where this fear is coming from. Most of the time it can be solved or it can be figured out and just like I did. I mean I had a couple of people this past week actually listen to their words it changed my perspective on fear and I am not afraid of anything. I do not fear anybody, so for this fear to be there holding me back from pursuing my dreams, to trying new things, to speak out, and doing what I wanna do is not okay with me. I am only looking out for me and this is what I want to do. It has been too long of a wait for me to just sit back and have other people write my story for me. I am not finished and this just the beginning.
That was not fear I was feeling and you have to figure out why you feel that way so you can move forward. I am writing my story with a happy ending. Join me.
Thank you for reading. Today it was a short one and I hope you enjoyed my little story. Lots of love and Blessings to you..
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