Hello Everyone Yáʼátʼééh!

     Thank you for joining me today.. Hope you all had a great week. Yes, I am here now.

      Thinking about how my life growing up I was in a household not having no hugs, kisses or "I love you's" everyday, it was normalized. I had to just go on doing things I normally do.  Like going to school, feeding animals and exploring.

        Feelings of loneliness, boredom, or lack of love were completely absent during that time. Being around my great-grandmother, who was always so sweet and kind, brought me immense joy. I cherished our conversations and found happiness in tending to the goats and sheep together. As I grew older, exposure to television and outside influences led me to question and seek attention from family. This, in turn, resulted in life choices that didn’t always align with others' expectations.

     I found myself pulling away from others and embracing solitude. At the time, I truly believed I was doing fine and saw no need to ask for help. The idea of reaching out made me uncomfortable, so I chose to handle everything on my own. It wasn’t a decision I loved, but it was one I came to accept.
     Things did not go as well as I wanted but survival mode stays with you.  Not knowing that my feminine side was slowly fading, my masculine side was growing.  At the time I had the impression that it was a great thing.  A woman raising 3 children, holding a full time job and having to pay for her car and housing.  I loved my independence.  It was an amazing experience. I felt so proud of myself.  A full time job and being able to be with my children. That meant everything to me.

     As a child, I did not know I needed both my parents.  So, I strived on making sure my children had both in their lives. But I always fell short of achieving that.  Not because I gave up.  Because of their father dealing with his addiction.  That kept a big wedge between us and our future.  I stepped up and did what I could do to raised my daughters and son.  I understood there was some things I could not do as well as a man, but I sure did try.

     After all that learning, teaching and experiences I was exhausted but proud. I learned a lot.  I was very excited about teaching what I learned to my babies. Becoming comfortable around motors, fixing my plumbing, doing body work on vehicles and did some welding. But also I still am a great cook, making & designing clothes and also having a creative mind. I played both roles in my little family.

     For years, I have had people say I should  "just be quiet and to act like a girl."  Or that I was trying to be a better man than most. It was so crazy for me to hear that. That was me, I had family or friends calling me to diagnose their vehicles and turn right around, wanting me to cook up a meal.  At the time, it just felt good to be needed.  I understand now that was not what it was.  I offended people. I apparently emasculated some people.  That was not my intentions, I was just trying to pick up my children's father's pieces to fill in that lack of.  Plus running on survival mode. I did not want to be homeless with my children or not have a car to go places in.  Somehow I manage to disappoint people with my experiences I had to learn.

    Everything I’ve done—working, learning, making choices, and surviving—has been for my children. My goal has always been to give them a life they can truly call home. I will never apologize for being the woman I’ve grown to be.  I have a passion for cars and trucks, especially when it comes to diagnosing issues and solving problems.  I’ve always enjoyed bodywork—there’s something incredibly satisfying about fixing a dent and restoring a smooth, flawless surface. Cooking is another love of mine; preparing meals for my family brings me so much joy.  I make no excuses for the skills and lessons I’ve gained throughout the years—they’ve shaped who I am today.

     Today, I see things from a different perspective regarding who I became and why.  My intention was never to emasculate or belittle anyone.  As a single parent, I had to grow and adapt.  I taught my daughters essential skills, like maintaining vehicles and cooking.  Looking back, I still believe that was the right thing to do.  Making those choices I was in a different mindset.  

      Having an environment that feels safe enough to embrace feminine energy. For years, I struggled to understand this concept, even when my oldest daughter would gently remind me about its importance. She urged me to connect with my feminine energy and find balance between my masculine and feminine sides. It was not an easy journey, but over time, I learned to manage and harmonize these energies. Today, I feel more calm, grounded, and at peace with myself. It is a lesson I continue to share with my loved ones, and I am incredibly proud of how far I have come.

     I am a still a recovering masculine energy woman.  Being seen as a woman is an amazing feeling and I was missing that for years.  Thank you for everyone who plays a part in my life. 

   Thank you for  reading this far.  Catch your breath! I love you all for your Support.. Lots of Love and Blessings.